I've been posting less often lately. It has been more and more apparent to me that this is due to continued consequences of the Divine Openings. I'm still taking my time finishing the book. Yes... I've had it for almost 6 months and I still haven't finished it. I read a little at a time. My wife has not only finished the book multiple times, but she's started doing online follow-up courses that Lola Jones offers.
Ironically, the problem with my posting is that things are going well. My birthday was mid-April and I have a yearly tradition of looking at my life and asking myself if I'm happy with its direction or if I need a course correction. I can happily say that I'm happier with my life this year than I was last and the one before that and so on... I have been aligning with my higher goals more clearly each time. Financially the last two years were negative seeming as my income dropped a LOT, but my expenditures dropped even more. I've been net positive going from a rat race leading deeper into debt where I was harming relationships, toward a healthier financial existence. However, from the outside I still look broke.
While I'm happier with myself and my life than I have been, I ended up asking myself if I'm someone people would want to come to for advice. I weigh 300lbs, don't make much money and lack obvious successes that people can look at to say... "I want to do what this guy does, I want to be like him." Additionally I started asking myself what my purposes for this blog are. I was originally intending to follow in the footsteps of a blogger "Steve Pavlina" who turned his blog into a 6 digit a month income source. I still would like to turn this blog into an income source, but I started realizing that the biggest value to me at the moment is a pressure to accountability. I feel that writing this blog holds me accountable to become someone that people want to emulate. It presses me to make losing weight a priority. It pressures me to ensure I'm fiscally powerful in the ways I claim to want to be. Finally, it drives me to study and practice magic the way I practice technology. I enjoy theoretical science, but I LOVE applied science and technology. I have spent a lot of time with magick theory, but this blog presses me to turn my theory into obvious power. Calling the blog "Power before Wisdom" denotes that I am teaching people how to use magick to empower their lives. I kinda need to be able to show that I'm verifiably powerful in order to be an information source someone can trust.
This recognition had me asking myself a lot about how I do things. A lot of April and May were spent choosing where to focus my current metaphysical studies in order to show apparent magickal power that can improve ones day to day power. Binding spirits doesn't do a hell of a lot of good if you only use the bound spirits to engage in some drama-fest with other mages. Casting Spells with the results being your car only breaking down once a year instead of once a month doesn't do a hell of a lot of good if you still don't have the money to fix it that one time it does.
My emotional state fluxuated a lot through this process... looking back it was like I was going through my emotional house and deep cleaning a couple areas to make space for a new work area. Suddenly in late May something snapped and a couple simple choices and mindsets just dropped into place. I just suddenly accepted it was time to open a new business focused on webdesign. After my business failed 2 years ago I told myself I was only doing computer work and webdesign as a job until I could "make it" in a new industry. My "new industry" varied between "sustainability" and metaphysics. This blog was one of the attempts to step into the industry of Metaphysics.
In late May I made the commitment to do Webdesign full time with a focus on doing it fully committed. In the past I had a difficult time getting myself on task and accomplishing work. It was like I was always needing to beat myself with the "or else" stick. "I gotta finish the site today or else I won't get paid." "I gotta make this change in the next 2 hours or else I'll lose this customer." The biggest change in late May was that my emotional baseline shifted from boredom up to acceptance. I suddenly didn't need to beat myself with the "or else" stick. I just do what needs doing. I'm confident that the universe would have made this happen somehow eventually, but for me I strongly feel that the Divine Openings is how it happened here. I didn't do a ton of work to make this happen. I didn't take classes, build hardcore new habits or go on hardcore initiatory experiences. I just opened up, recognized what I wanted, and felt my way through everything as is explained in the book.Two weeks after "the decision" I've picked up 4 new clients, completed 3 websites and have 3 pending clients. One of the happy clients is waiting for me to put together a "how to successfully leverage a website for your business" class for business owners to teach alongside a course they do every couple months. There is a very good likelihood that this will result in many new clients. Additionally, my other projects have bounded forward.
- I have a better vision of how I'm going to move forward with this site
- I have a part time project building sustainability related products that are too big to ship for local sales
- My card game is moving forward in a way it hasn't since I realized how fundamentally flawed my original vision for it was. My card game has been a multi-thousand hour project which could potentially be worth millions if it completes and gets to market, but I had an unrealistic vision for it before. When I realized the flaws in the vision I stopped working on it, but part of this "end of May" transition was finding a new vision and restarting work to complete it and bring it to market.
- I've been exercising at least 45 minutes almost daily, my diet has been improving and I'm losing weight.
In magick we tend to look for the impressive shows of power, but sometimes the most powerful magick are the "small" changes with long term effects. The most powerful change that I can report now is a confidence that my commitments mean something. That I'll be able to come back in 2 months and say... these changes stuck and here is how my life is better. This change was away from something that had me stuck in a grey area for a couple years now. Thank you Universe. Thank you Lola. Thank you Higher Self.